Wednesday, 11 February 2015

Weakness & Emotion

Hey everyone :)

blue eyes, tear, shoutjohn

I don't normally write impulsive posts - but I'm feeling in a writing mood (and it's 20:53) - I really should go for a shower and get to bed since I start work at 4am tomorrow morning but I had a can of Red Bull while I was waiting for #lbloggers chat to start ... so wide awake!

Today was a good day - I got up, went to work, worked, then came home. Just a normal day ...

I decided to go through my wardrobe for a t-shirt when I came across one of Dave's hoodies. Now for those of you who don't follow my blog or who do but are not aware:

Dave is my boyfriend and we've been together 3 years this past Christmas and he is a snowboard/ski instructor - but he doesn't just do it for fun - he's one of those proper (I'd probably say hardcore) instructors.

When we first met (during the cold months of November years ago (it feels longer)) I was aware (after much Facebook stalking) that he was planning to go away for 3 months to Bulgaria to get his 'level 2 instructor qualification' which allowed him to teach on mountains - as his current 'level 1' only allowed him to teach on indoor ski/snowboard slopes. It was really hard to meet someone and basically fall head over heels in love and then have him disappear for 3 months - we decided to stay together (as neither of us wanted to see anyone else while we were apart) and 3 months later he came home and we continued our relationship.

Nearly 3 years later and he was given an opportunity to go to Canada for 6 months to basically use what he had learnt in Bulgaria and teach kids and adults snowboarding and/or skiing. The first time he left (for Bulgaria) - we'd only been dating a month or so - so it wasn't that hard to let him go but after being together for 3 years and seeing him nearly every other day and every weekend to have him disappearing to the other side of the world within a day ... is quite different, difficult and hard.

I'm not really one to show emotion - some say its a sign of weakness - yes if I'm watching a sad film - I might have a silent cry or get upset (when Gwen Stacey died in Spiderman 2 for instance) I teared up in the cinema (yeah I'm not afraid to admit it).

When Dave told me he had accepted the job - like any normal person he was upset knowing he would have to leave me for 6 months - I had been expecting it for a few months so I had built up some kind of wall and thinking about it now was quite difficult about it - I just wasn't very emotional at all. I expected it - so I was prepared - I didn't really get upset nor shed a tear. I knew we would talk and text and Skype so I didn't see it as an issue (that was my excuse anyway) - the only difference was that he would be thousands of miles away and we wouldn't physically see each other.

Back to the hoodie ...

So its now been 61 days since he left and today I found his hoodie in the cupboard that he left behind. I then spent 20 minutes sobbing and crying on my bed wearing it - the smell reminded me of him and even typing this now is making me feel weird and odd. I'm not trying to say it took me 61 days to miss him but I suppose the point to the post is that the littlest of things can remind you of someone - their smell, their hoodies, their voice, their touch ...

I am dreading the moment he reads this (because sometimes he looks through my blog) he's yet to comment on my new design though - anyway this isn't a cry for help, and I don't want this to sound like a selfish-why-did-you-leave-me post - because it's not and I don't want him to feel bad (that's the last thing I want).

If anything I wanted him to go and it's something he needed to do - I'm not him - but I know this is one of his dreams and he's getting to live it - not many people get the chance to do things like this and so I'm proud of him for going.

I'm going to leave you with a quote that I found:

“Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love, is by far, the truest type of love.”

This pretty much sums up what I'm trying to say.

Night all :)

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